Opinion: The Trouble With Neo-Nazis: They Stole The Gay Look!
Boys, if you like wearing sexy little shorts, hanging out with other guys at the gym, and going on bushwalks and camping weekends with other men, you might not be a neo-Nazis – you might just be gay!
I have to say how pissed off I am at the neo-Nazi movement. For a start, they have stolen my look! I love wearing black. It’s slimming, right? I love a black baseball cap. (Not that my head needs slimming, though. At the rate I’m losing hair, it needs thickening, but I digress.)
These days, thanks to the neo-Nazi movement, getting around in a classic, all-black look, with a black baseball cap and some facial hair – especially if you’re a middle-aged white guy like me – well, I fear I’m in danger of being mistaken for someone who thinks Asian people should start eating bangers and mash, that Muslims should spend more time at the pub, and that anyone who doesn’t integrate into “our way of life” should go back to where they came from. That’s very not what I think.
But wait, there’s worse! Neo-Nazis, because they are too cowardly to show their faces, often wear balaclavas. And, yes, I have a balaclava. Well, what I have is called a snood, and you wear it when bike riding to protect your face. But if you finish bike riding, and you don’t take it off fast enough, people might think you are wearing a balaclava and thus endorse the destruction of democracy and the violent overthrow of the government.
Next, the neo-Nazis have hijacked the flag. The other day, I saw a group of people walking along waving the Australian flag. I thought they were off to a rugby match but, no, they were on their way to attend an anti-immigration rally. Waving our flag. My flag!
So, imagine I happen to be at a sports match, supporting Australia, and have bought along a flag, and I’m wearing my preferred black ensemble (slimming), and I cycled there, so I’m also wearing a snood/balaclava. Does that mean people will automatically think I’m a Holocaust denier with a poster of Hitler on my bedroom wall? Because if so, that sucks! Nazis always ruin everything!
“Lots of people think neo-Nazis are gay… and that’s really annoying!
Apart from limiting my fashion options, Nazis are annoying in many other ways. They want to restrict immigration because they think it’ll solve the housing crisis. Well, that’s not what the experts say. There’s a housing crisis due to an undersupply of housing, and there’s not enough skilled migration to supply the workforce needed to build the houses. We need more immigration, not less. And, just a reminder, Australia is a nation built on immigration. Remember “populate or perish?” Remember how well the White Australia policy went? (Not very!)
Nazis think people who come to this country should assimilate with the culture – just like the British assimilated with the Indigenous culture when they arrived, right?
And, finally, neo-Nazis are annoying because lots of people think neo-Nazis are gay. It’s all men – strapping young men, with gay facial hair, gay shorts, doing gay gym training together, going on long gay bushwalks together, and “camping” weekends. We all know what that means, lads.
Listen, if you want some cock, there are easier ways to get it than joining some sad little fascist fan club and marching around Melbourne in a mask! If you like wearing masks and hanging around with other men, there are some clubs in Melbourne where you can do that and get some cock. Do your own research!
I do feel a bit sad for the neo-Nazis, though. No one is born racist. Kids don’t get out of bed in the morning and say, “I was thinking of going to the park to play with my friends, but instead I’ll join a racist rally.” No, someone has taught them racism. Someone has poured hate and vitriol into them and deprived them of life’s depth and texture and colour.
Maybe that’s why they wear black. (And it is slimming.)
Readers, DNA is gay and it is decidedly unNazi! That’s a new word, and we should make it popular.
This piece was first published in DNA #309 as the Letter From The Editor.
