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Disney Star Karan Brar Pens Moving Essay About Finding Himself And Coming Out

By Joshua Donovan

Posted on December 4, 2023

Karan Brar (Samantha Annis)

Karan Brar is best known for his roles on the Disney Channel’s Jessie and the film franchise Diary Of A Wimpy Kid. He wrote a deeply personal essay for Teen Vogue talking about moving out of home, coming out as bisexual and dealing with life in the wake of his close friend’s death.

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This essay discusses topics of mental health and suicide

Brar’s emotional essay opens with a tableau of his living conditions after moving away from his parents. He touches on a sore point for many children of immigrant families; a feeling that leaving your parents means abandoning them.

In his newfound freedom, he talks about finding the strength to come out to his roommates. Brar had moved in with fellow actors Cameron Boyce and Sophie Reynolds. When he told them he was bisexual, he recalls feeling sick. Worried they’d feel uncomfortable, he offered to move out yet found himself surprised to be met with acceptance and love.

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“This was the first time in years that I wasn’t hiding anything from them; instead, they were seeing the most authentic version of me. I finally gave up and accepted that they loved me as I am, as I’ve been, and as I’m going to be,” he reveals. “This was a crisp picture of what unconditional love looked like: my two best friends sitting across from me on a discount couch, waiting to hear me describe my type so they could take on their new roles as matchmakers. They weren’t going anywhere.”

Sadly, it wasn’t long after moving in together that Cameron Boyce died. Brar opens up about how much Boyce’s unexpected death rocked his mental state. Professionally, he was a thriving young actor but personally he felt adrift.

“I’d been on a downward spiral since Cameron suddenly died, and with the pandemic putting the world on pause, I was forced to sit with myself,” he says. “I refused to acknowledge how much pain I was in and isolated myself in a deeply unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Almost every night was spent getting drunk by myself in order to cope.”

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It took arriving at a drastic place before Brar sought the help he desperately needed. He was juggling splintered parts of himself; the parts reeling from the trauma of losing his friend, the parts still uncomfortable with his sexuality and the parts that allowed him to stray into suicidal ideation.

“What many people may not realize is that suicidal ideations don’t necessarily appear overnight — instead they can take root and grow from one stray thought,” he reveals. “Before you know it, you find yourself slipping into suicidal thoughts, making plans “just in case.” It slowly chips away at your soul, leaving you in a state of helplessness.”

Three years have passed since Brar checked into a treatment center. He says he’s doing much better and learning to evolve with his grief. In writing this essay for Teen Vogue, Brar has come out to the world as bisexual.

“I’m no longer drowning in the grief of losing Cameron,” he says. “Rather, I’m in acceptance of grief being an ever changing experience I just have to see through. Everyone around me can also see these changes, and I can feel their shoulders dropping in relief as we go further into our twenties.”