Call it Puffs, Chemsex or Party And Play. It is part of life for some men who have sex with men. Why? And what are the risks? We asked the experts.
Warning: This article discusses PnP or chemsex and the highs, lows, risks, and more it entails. Some content is detailed and may be triggering.
As part of the experience of being on hook-up apps where men find other men, you can’t escape being asked, “Are you top or bottom,” “Send me a dick/ass pic,” and “Can you host?” Other regular questions are in connection to terms like PnP, chems, puff and chemsex. These all refer to “party and play” but what does this really mean?
Some gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men make use of drugs to facilitate, enhance and sustain their sexual encounters. Party and play often involves a group of people who may all be under the influence of one or more specific drugs.
Common party and play drugs include methamphetamine, gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB) and mephedrone. These drugs can make people feel very happy, more relaxed than usual, more connected to others, and can lower their inhibitions.
Participating in PnP has never been as easy as it is now. Dating sites and hook-up apps allow men to rapidly locate other men within close proximity who are interested in participating in PnP.
The cocktail we know as “sex and drugs” is nothing new. There are many examples dating back thousands of years to the times of the ancient Egyptians, Romans, Incan and Mayan civilisations. Often, drugs were used to enhance a religious or cultural ceremony, bringing the user, seemingly, closer to their gods. Today, there are many reasons why some men choose to use drugs to enhance their sexual experiences.
“The reasons people PnP are different for everyone,” says Justin Xiao of the AIDS Council Of New South Wales’ peer support service for people who PNP, M3THOD. (ACON is New South Wales’ leading HIV and LGBTQIA+ health organisation.)
For some, combining sex and meth shuts down self-doubt. But it is a double-edged sword.
“The motivations are diverse,” says Justin. “We have noticed an overarching theme of loneliness, particularly older or mature gay men, and recently arrived migrants who may lack gay social support and social connections. People that we work with often reflect on the ‘immediate connection’ that is formed by men when engaging in PnP.”
That sense of excitement and belonging is cited by others. “For me, it was the excitement, the whole trying something new, and it is something that feels forbidden, which enhances the excitement,” says Ralph, 28.
A strong feeling of connection is commonly reported. “When I am in the midst of chemsex, I feel like I belong. You feel so connected with those you are with, like there are no more barriers,” says Rick, 40.
“In relation to migrant communities in New South Wales (some examples being Asian, South Asian, South American), coming from culturally conservative backgrounds and communities can come with in-built shame associated with gay sexuality and identity, which, in the moment, PnP can alleviate,” according to Justin. “PnP may also alleviate shame around specific sexual desires, for example, fisting. People who PnP may feel liberated to have the types of sex that they want.”
Other common reasons include increasing the user’s sexual confidence and helping them overcome self-doubt. The sources of low self-esteem and lack of confidence can be many and varied. Insecurities and vulnerabilities may be the result of feeling unaccepted by family or community, may originate with body image issues, feelings of guilt or shame about expressing their sexuality physically, or from feeling sexually inadequate.
Paul, 30, describes overcoming his sense of sexual inadequacy through PnP: “I have always been a bit shy, and when my date suggested we have some together, it helped me come out of my shell. I was able to get out of my head and enjoyed the most passionate sex.”
For others, it’s simply the heightened intensity of sex with PnP. “When I’m ‘on’ and high I feel desired, as men line up to have sex with me. Even the physical sex feels intensified,” says Sean, 33.
Adding PnP drugs to the sexual experience can increase libido, sexual desire, feeling desired, and increase sexual longevity, allowing users to have sex for longer.
“The sex definitely lasts longer,” says Sean. “All your senses are awakened and sleep is the last thing on your mind due to the effects of the cocktail of drugs.”
Often, the introduction to PnP can be unintentional. “For me, it wasn’t planned,” says Sanjay, 27. “I was hooking up with a guy at his place and saw him blasting [injecting] crystal into his arms. He offered me a few puffs on his pipe.”
A mental health element can also be a motivating factor. “I was going through a period of time when you could say I was down in the dumps,” says Ari, 27. “I had a bit of depression and chemsex made me feel like all my inhibitions went down.”
“After I found out that I was HIV-positive it felt like nothing could bring me up from my sadness,” says Alistair, 28. “Then I started hooking up with guys who were also poz and into PnP like me and it helped me to become someone else and forget things.”
Michael Caruso, a certified drug and alcohol counsellor with Friends Getting Off (an outpatient substance use treatment program that helps gay and bisexual men to stop or reduce their methamphetamine use) at Friends Community Center in Los Angeles, says a lifetime of cultural messaging towards gay and bi men can lead them to substances and sex.
“We live in a world that is predominantly heterosexual,” he says. “And while people have become more accepting of homosexuality, there is still plenty of stigma that gay men have internalised. If your family of origin doesn’t accept you and the world sees you as being something to fear, you’re eventually going to want to numb out from that. Even within the LGBT community, people are met with body shaming and pressure to look a certain way. They want to escape that, too.”
Having conversations about sexual boundaries while sober, ahead of a session, is a great idea.
For some gay and bisexual men, combining sex and meth seems to offer an escape by shutting down unwanted feelings of self-doubt but, as Caruso explains, it’s a double-edged sword.
“Most of our participants, when asked what they really want from sex, have replied with emotional needs like connection, trust, vulnerability, feeling safe. But orgasm is usually the only physical response mentioned. So, emotional needs have been pushed to the side in favour of escapism.”
Many gay and bi men who engage in PnP do so without experiencing harm. Not everyone has negative experiences but there are potential harms associated with it.
Jack Freestone is the Manager of Gay Men’s Sexual Health Programs at ACON. He says the days following PnP can be a real challenge. He explains that during a comedown, people experience a huge drop in serotonin, the brain’s happiness chemical. A lack of serotonin, combined with the recovery from missed sleep and physical exertion can lead to low mood, irritability, emotional dysregulation, extreme fatigue, dry mouth, and dehydration, among other symptoms.
Long-term risks associated with PnP can include mental and physical health issues. However, people who PnP may also experience loneliness and social isolation.
“Sometimes people will not want to see family and friends or colleagues while they are experiencing a comedown, or they may de-prioritise social connections in favour of partying,” says Justin Xiao. “This may take a toll on friendships and other important relationships in the long run.”
Further, PnP can impact sexual wellbeing. Using drugs to enhance sex every time someone has sex can normalise it.
“This can lead to a change of perception in one’s sex life and some people find it very hard to go back to drug-free sex,” says Justin. “When we speak with people who are wanting to have drug-free sex after a prolonged practice of PnP, we try to raise awareness that one will experience PnP and sex without drugs differently. We aim to help people understand that while PnP may be exciting and immediately gratifying, sex without drugs may facilitate greater and more sustainable intimacy with partners.”
Being able to differentiate between the two types of sex and not comparing one type of sex to the standards of the other can sometimes help people who want to have sex without drugs.
In terms of managing comedowns, Justin suggests reaching out to people you trust and making sure your fridge is stocked: ensure there is adequate food and water in there. If you are having a party, have a few days off so you can recover and ensure you have no upcoming events with family or work. Try to resist the temptation to use more drugs while you are recovering.
“Care for yourself,” advises Justin. “Ensure to prioritise sleep and hydration, getting rest, perhaps having a bath to relax and calm yourself.”
In Australia, GHB is a commonly used drug among people who PnP.
“GHB carries a high risk of overdose which, in severe cases, can result in hospitalisation or even death,” says Jack Freestone. “For those planning to use GHB it is very important to measure doses carefully, start with a small dose first to see how it feels, time doses on a phone and wait at least two hours between doses.”
It is essential to remember that the effects of GHB are cumulative. This means that they add up over several doses, so if dosing GHB multiple times, one should dose less later in a session.
“It’s equally important to know that GHB is a central nervous system depressant,” says Jack. “This means that it can slow down heart rate and breathing. It is advised not to mix GHB with other central nervous system depressants like alcohol, opiates, or benzodiazepines like Valium, Xanax or Temazepam.”
Daily, or more often than daily use of GHB can lead to physical dependence. This means that one will need to keep dosing GHB to prevent withdrawal symptoms. If someone is taking GHB daily and wishes to stop using GHB, it is vital that they engage with a healthcare provider around this because suddenly stopping the use of GHB after a prolonged period of daily use may result in severe and potentially life-threatening withdrawal.
Those who engage in PnP are encouraged to stay alert to signs that drugs such as crystal methamphetamine and GHB might be impacting their life.
“When people come into our services, we encourage them to reflect on what’s important in their life and reflect on whether PnP is impacting the things that they’ve identified as being important,” says Jack. “We find that people who are encountering challenges around PnP notice that they might be calling in sick at work more often, or withdrawing from social events.”
“Things may have also started to slip around school, finances, relationships or housing. When broader life priorities are impacted by PnP, someone may also notice that their frequency of PnP, the length of their sessions, and the amount of drugs they’re using in a session may have increased.”
When someone notices that PnP is presenting challenges and wishes to re-negotiate their relationship to PnP, seeking support is a key step. Some options around support may include reaching out to a trusted friend, family member or loved one.
Jack advises: “We encourage people to seek professional support. This may involve having an initial conversation with a doctor or a sexual health provider who can help someone access a counselling or more specialist service.”
Jack outlines several things that folks can do to protect their sexual health around PnP. “The risk of HIV transmission throughout PnP has been reduced by the introduction of biomedical HIV prevention such as pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) and undetectable viral load,” he says. “Of course, for these prevention strategies to be effective people must consistently take PrEP and HIV treatments. Other strategies such as the use of condoms, remembering not to share sex toys, injection equipment or any other drug use paraphernalia reduces both HIV and hepatitis C risk.”
Aside from safety as it relates to blood-borne viruses, it is key to develop or have strategies to ensure one’s own sexual well-being and that of partners. This includes discussions around sexual consent. When people PnP, it is important to reflect on and practise establishing strong sexual boundaries.
This practice will include understanding, negotiating, and vocalising what sexual activities one is comfortable with and not comfortable with.
“Having conversations about sexual practices, limits and boundaries while sober, either in person or online ahead of any PnP session is a great idea,” says Jack. “Practising verbal and non-verbal communication strategies throughout sex can also help to ensure safety and consent throughout a session.”
A climate of less stigma around PnP could be beneficial.
“This may give rise to more informative and empowering conversations about PnP across the community. We would also like to see more tailored services for sexuality and gender-diverse people who PnP and more training for service providers across drug and alcohol, mental health, sexual health and sexual assault services who may work with people who PnP,” says Jack.
If you or someone else involved has fallen asleep, passed out or are too intoxicated to agree to sex then consent cannot be established. Having sex with someone without their consent is a criminal offence. If you are unable to be sure about someone’s ability to consent, you must stop immediately.
Staying Safer When Engaging In PnP
Here are a few harm reduction tips. More information is available from the websites at the end of this article.
- Do not share equipment: Items used for drugs (needles, straws, banknotes) should not be shared.
- Take your medication: If you have meds that need to be taken every day or at certain times, have a supply with you and set a reminder on your phone.
- Drink water: It’s important to stay hydrated. Don’t exceed more than half a litre (about two standard cups) per hour.
- Get rest: Take regular breaks outside the sex. Stimulant drugs delay tiredness and exhaustion. Find a quiet, dark space to help you relax.
- Eat: Even if not hungry, try to eat small amounts regularly, like small portion snacks.
- Mixing drugs: Be aware that you may not know what you’re getting, and the purity and potency of drugs can differ greatly. Mixing drugs can make it more challenging to know your limits and stay in control, which can heighten risk and make it harder to stay safe.
- Set boundaries: Explain your sexual boundaries and preferences so that all involved in the sex session know what you are willing to engage in and what risks are acceptable to you. Everyone should be given this opportunity and, ideally, the conversation should take place while sober before the PnP session begins.
- Administer your own drugs: It is strongly suggested that you do not let anyone prepare your dose as we all have different tolerances and the best judge for what you can handle is yourself.
- Go with someone: Are you already familiar with someone else who will be there? Try to make plans to travel to and from with them. You may not feel good afterwards and having someone to travel with could be calming and comforting. If not, let someone know where you plan to be and update them if any of the plans change.
- Get tested: Engaging in PnP can make you more likely to engage in risk-taking sexual behaviours so you should regularly get tested to help prevent the spread of STIs.
- If someone becomes ill: You should always call 000 (or emergency services in your area). Don’t be scared that you’ll get in trouble, as you will be calling for an ambulance.
- Consent: If you or another involved are unable to consent to sex, you must stop. If you or someone else involved has fallen asleep, passed out or are too intoxicated to agree to sex then consent cannot be established. Having sex with someone without their consent is a criminal offence.
Support Groups
New South Wales, Australia
M3THOD
W: endinghiv.org.au/toolkit/m3thod/
ACON (02) 9206 2000
E: [email protected]
California, USA
Friends Getting Off helps gay and bisexual men stop or reduce their methamphetamine use.
W: friendscommunitycenter.org/friend-getting-off
T: +1 323-463-1601 / +1 323-463-7001
E: [email protected]
USA
LGBT Foundation is a national charity delivering advice, support and information services to LGBTQIA+ communities.
W: lgbt.foundation/chemsex
T: 028 90 319 030
E: [email protected]
United Kingdom
Antidote is an LGBTQIA+ drug and alcohol counselling service.
W: londonfriend.org.uk/antidote/
T: 020 7833 1674 (10am-6pm, Monday to Friday). Ask for someone from the Antidote Team.
Photo: LUMEZIA / SHUTTERSTOCK
