From The Editor: You Do You!
Andrew Creagh on authenticity, individuality and why none of us perfectly fit our own identity – plus a caveat for those for whom being yourself is not safe.
Finding authenticity in the right place and time.
The other day, my partner adopted a very serious tone and confessed, “I don’t think I’m very gay… I’m not a Kylie fan.”
Big news but not earth-shattering. I mean, I don’t like rimming but I’m still very, very gay. There are plenty of other ways he is “gay”. For example, if there’s a shirt with multicoloured brocade flowers, gold thread piping, epaulettes and shiny buttons – he loves it. Basically, if it looks like an old cushion from the Palace Of Versailles, he’ll wear it.
He’s also a Barbra Streisand fan (gay!) and would like her song A Piece Of Sky played at his funeral (gay!)
Me, well, I’m not a huge Kylie fan either. There are many songs of hers I really love, but there are also whole albums I’ve never heard. My music tastes are gay, but just not in the usual way: John Grant, Rufus Wainwright, Perfume Genius, Serpent With Feet, Orville Peck, Cub Sport, Nakhane… a friend recently described my playlist as “relentlessly gay”.
“Don’t you like any artists who aren’t gay?”
“Yes,” I said, “Marvin Gaye.”
Also, I’m not sure I dress gay either: shorts, a T-shirt, a baseball cap and trainers. According to a women’s fashion magazine, that makes me either a tomboy or a lesbian. As much as I love lesbians, I think I fall more into the tomboy category – but only if it’s a girly tomboy. (Is that a tom-girly-boy?)
My point here is that even though we identify in certain ways, none of us fit that identity perfectly. Our individuality shines through.
Take British comedian Tom Allen, featured in this issue. Although he was born into a working-class family, from a young age, he developed a liking for frock coats and today is always seen in a very smart suit and tie. He also speaks with a posh accent that belies his humble origins. These are all affectations but that doesn’t mean they aren’t authentic to Tom. It’s how he feels comfortable. He’s being his true self regardless of where he comes from.
Similarly, our cover boy, Hayden, describes how in his early twenties, he was exclusively a bottom; that changed, and for a while, he felt that the bigger, older, butcher partner should be the top, and now he feels that none of that matters. In short, he has let go of cultural expectations and preconceptions.
Gay, bi and queer people are very good at doing this. It can be a painful experience, like coming out, but it’s usually part of a move towards self-awareness. None in the LGBTQIA+ world face this process more profoundly than trans people. Not only is their journey deeply personal, but it has also become politicised and, as such, they suffer social and institutionalised discrimination and violence.
This month, we discover a documentary called Forbidden People, which tells the story of four Russian trans people finding sanctuary in The Netherlands. I hope you read this story and then look up the film, which is free to watch on YouTube.
In fact, you’ll find people from our community acting outside expectations throughout this issue of DNA – from Edmund White’s sex life biography to JeanPaul Paula and Stas Vokman’s Black cowboy photo shoot to a vegan bodybuilder!
But there is a caveat. Mantras like “be true to yourself” and handy phrases like “sing your own song” and “you do you” promote the idea of being “authentic”. And that is fine… if it is safe to do so.
Not all of us have the luxury of being our real selves. There are many countries around the world where, for LGBTQIA+ people, simply being yourself will get you into serious trouble: arrested, tortured or worse. And while we often rattle off a list of African countries at this point, I’m afraid that joining that list now is the USA.
But even in “safe” places, not all families, schools or communities will welcome your true authentic self with open arms. But rest assured, there is a world out there that will welcome you and love you when the time is right.
I love the many and varied ways we choose to express ourselves and this issue we celebrate that variety – new music by gay artists, a fashion shoot with a porn superstar, Brent Everett, and finding the queer undercurrent in Munich.
Enjoy!
Andrew Creagh, Founding Editor
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