This article originally appeared on the DailyJocks website.
The situation is lose/lose, and also loose. You’re minding your own business, and your underwear is suddenly going to remind you that it’s there.
Here it comes: the itch, the burn, the strain, the pinch, the perspiration — and the dreaded self-induced wedgie. You need to make with the hands into the pants, or you will surely die.
Nobody wants to be put in this compromising position, and assuredly nobody wants to see you in that position.
You’re going to have to address it and stat. And yet – that means having to connect your hands with your privates in public, before disapproving eyes. You’re not Michael Jackson, but you need to make that dance move, and fast.
You don’t want to catch yourself going viral on social media. One second of discomfort can lead to a million views – and you get nothing out of it but humiliation.
Okay, here’s how to deal when you’re in a pinch:
Find the right underwear. Avoid the dilemma altogether by purchasing quality underwear that offers support and elasticity. Forego underwear that’s too big and bunchy, and always opt for high-quality material. What we recommend: a pouch. After going with a pouch, you won’t go back.
Pre-powder yourself. Talc works. Talc rules! Apply it before you leave the house.
Reach for the stars. If you feel the need to stretch, who is going to think any less of you? Stretch one arm to the heavens, then bend to the opposite side. Now, slowly move your unstretched arm to your underwear area and take care of business, quick. Repeat with the other arm. You’ll relieve your agony and get a good stretch out of it at the same time.
Bend over. And we mean this in the most respectful way possible. In the process of pretending you dropped something on the ground, you can do some fast footwork with your hands and stop the pain without looking like it’s your first priority.
Pretend to reach for a coin in your pocket. Dig deep. You know what to do next. Do the finger flick you need to do. Take advantage of this before currency goes completely digital. A similar move that works: keep your phone in your pocket and reach for it.
Got bag? If you’re sitting, get that gym bag or duffle bag (or even a shopping bag) on your lap. Stick your hands under the bag and adjust as desperately needed.
Choose suffering. Joan of Arc suffered, so maybe you need to grit your teeth and get through it. Just say no. Those few seconds of martyrdom will avoid that unsightly sight of you doing that dirty deed. People will never forget you doing it. Instead, take the time to find a restroom or even a dark corner.
Check out the pouches we think will keep you adjustment free.