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From The Editor: The Shame!

Justin: “Hey, are you doing anything after this shoot?” Statue: “I’ve got nothing on.”

Justin: “Hey, are you doing anything after this shoot?” Statue: “I’ve got nothing on.”

How did that naked man get in here?

Warning:
there’s a naked man on page 20 of this issue. I’m sure male nudity offends you, so I thought you ought to know. And you can see his – shhhhh! – soft cock. Don’t worry! It’s not a photograph of a soft cock. There are no actual pixels of a real man’s penis, thank God! It’s a painting of a naked man by Ross Watson. If you think you’re going to be offended, please don’t look at page 20. In fact, staple it together now, just in case.

Watson’s work is often banned from social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram because, even though we’re adults and think we can make decisions about what we look at for ourselves, Facebook and Instagram know better. It’s such a blessing that Facebook’s “community standards” policies don’t let me see art.

Just because Michelangelo, Caravaggio and Leonardo Da Vinci were painting and sculpting naked men a couple of hundred years ago, there’s no excuse for artists like Ross Watson to continue to do the same. What is it, an artistic tradition or something? When I visited the Academia in Florence, which houses the statue of David, I was very surprised to see that they hadn’t covered it up with a big tarpaulin or something. I mean, he’s just standing there, massive and completely – I’m embarrassed to say it – naked. With everything showing. And people were looking at it. Even children. They should’ve been offered counselling on the way out. Or had their eyes plucked out.

Sometimes, social media moderators also spare me the trauma of accidentally viewing my friends’ beach snaps, gym selfies or Halloween and Mardi Gras costumes. Sure, they’re not technically naked but some of them are quite revealing. I can actually see the colour of my friends’ skin! There’s a lot of flesh and bulges happening and, really, I need to be protected from that.

Women’s nudity on social media is, of course, totally acceptable, just like it is everywhere. Kim Kardashian is praised for “breaking the internet” with her arse popping out of a rubbish bag. Good girl, Kimmy! More millions of dollars to you. In fact, no one would know who either Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton were unless their sex tapes had been “leaked” to the internet by their publicists, er, I mean, by persons unknown. But it’s just as well they did because otherwise the world would’ve missed out on all the talent these girls have, and all the ways they enrich human culture, while earning some pocket money.

Male nudity, on the other hand, is a bit yucky. When men get naked in art, calendars or classy movies like Magic Mike, we’re all a bit embarrassed for them, aren’t we? Female television hosts squeal and hide their eyes. Male television hosts shift uncomfortably in their seats and say things like, “When are we going to see something for the blokes?”

The disrobed man is, rightly, ridiculed. Justin Bieber in the Calvin Klein ads, for example. He’s not naked but is scorned anyway for having the audacity and bad taste to inflict his bare bits upon us. “Put your clothes back on, Justin, and go back to making your music, which we all love,” screamed the internet trolls, finally making sense for once.

The naked man on page 20 is not, I’m ashamed to say, an isolated incident. I think DNA may have, once or twice, accidentally published shots of men in states of undress or nakedness in the past. I’m so sorry! We’ve never asked a model to put a slice of bread down his undies to smooth out his bulge so he looks like a neutered Ken Doll. To be honest, we usually put a cock ring on the models and for that I sincerely apologise.

I suggest you have a thorough read of this issue and if you see any other instances of male immodesty, send me an angry email. I await your feedback.

Humbly, Andrew Creagh, Founding Editor

@AndrewCreagh
@DNAmagazine



© DNA 194

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